I started this blog in response to the amazing Face Book group I discovered : http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Fierce-Love-for-Every-Body/111555388927692 and my attempt to love myself, fiercely, no matter my current size.
And so, I begin...
I've been a "big girl" for a long time. Since the time I first realized I was "big" I felt that I needed to change - change my size, change how I look, change what I am able to wear. The pressure that this amounts to, at times, can be staggering. Even now, as a big "girl" in her early 30's, when I pass a mirror or a window that gives a clear reflection I shudder at the sight of my belly, at my thighs, at my face shape. It doesn't matter that I have amazing curly hair, a beautiful smile, or the coolest color of green/hazel eyes....all I can see are the imperfections. And all I think about is what other people are thinking of my imperfections.
When I've managed to loose some weight, the compliments start rolling in and my self esteem sky rockets. But, inevitably, when the 5, or 10, 15, or 20 pounds are added back on my frame suddenly the compliments stop and my self esteem plummets. Why? Why do I equate my value as a spiritual, breathing, loving, responsible, caring, funny, intelligent person to the amount of weight that my skeleton holds?
For several months now I've been contemplating getting a membership at our local family YMCA. My son is an active kid and we both love to swim. He and I can enjoy family swim time together. There is even free child care available at the gym so I could go to an exercise class or workout in the facility. All I can think about is how great it would be to start working out so I can loose weight. That way my current size 20 body can fit back in those size 16 jeans lurking in the bottom of my closest...better, yet, I think, I will skip the size 16 all together and just drop straight to a size 14 (or, even better, a 12!).
These have been my thoughts of late, and then I happened upon the Fierce Love page and found a group of people who are trying to change their thinking about their bodies. The challenge is to love, accept, and embrace one's body TODAY...right NOW...as it CURRENTLY is. And, even better, its NOT a mentality to try and "love yourself thin", rather to simply love yourself because it is what it is.
This has got me to think about my desire to join the YMCA in a new way. I'm thinking to myself, "Hey, you big beautiful big girl, join the Y because you want to use that big beautiful body to its fullest." So, when I do join, I intend to run, swim, Zumba, lift weights, and stair step because I have an amazing body that lets me do these activities...not because I expect my body to change.
Stay tuned...and in the mean time, let us love our bodies with all the fierceness we can muster.
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