The other day my son, a 3 year old girl I was babysitting for, and myself headed down to our apartment's hot tub. I had on my black one piece swimsuit and was trying to ignore the fact that there were some really good looking people in the workout room adjacent to the hot tub room (which, of course, is made of complete glass so every one can see every body). To make matters more complex, those good looking people were also athletic looking and seemed in really good shape.
As I striped off my sweatpants to climb in to the hot tub I caught of reflection of myself and my eyes immediately zoned in on my thighs...those big, thick, cellulite filled, offensive, disgusting thighs of mine. Flash backs starting from my pre-teen years and dating up until recently came flooding in to my brain. Images and sound bites of people who called me names or made nasty and rude remarks about my legs started to overwhelm me. Since starting my journey of fierce body love whenever a moment like this happens, or when I feel uneasy about my body, or if I perceive that I am being judged, I have a simple mantra I repeat (sometimes out loud if the occasion warrants) : “Fierce Body Love...Fierce Body Love...”
As I climbed in to the hot tub and tried to look as confident as I could, “Fierce Body Love” repeating in my brain, the sweet little 3 year old girl looked up at me and said, “Wow! Looks at your legs!” I will not lie, I wanted to melt away into nothingness. Just as the self loathing started to override my mantra and all hopes of truly having self love diminishing, the 3 year old piped up again, huge smile on her face, “I want some legs like those! I love your big legs.” Note to self: hang out with this 3 year old as much as possible!
Moments later, I stretched myself out in the water face down with my legs and arms extended across the length of the hot tub. My son climbed on my back and told me, “Mom, you are a whale!” I smiled and giggled (and increased the volume of my mantra) and said, “Yep; I am! I have a black swim suit on and I'm strong and big – just like an Orca.” He replied, “That's right, Mama! Come on, Orca, lets go for an adventure.”
His words impacted me greatly – yes, an adventure. For him a fun pretend under ocean adventure of sea discoveries. And, for me, a fierce body love adventure of self discoveries. Who's with me on our adventure? Let's discovery some fierce body love along the way, shall we?
can't wait for us to be whales together this summer with the boys! We'll rock the pool, and life, taking our boys on adventures! :)
ReplyDeleteOrcas are amazing!! I am so happy that you could hear the message of being strong and proud of your body.
ReplyDeleteI know that I have been trying to focus on how amazing my body is in what it can do, and not how it looks. I may not be or ever be a size 6, but I am very powerful and I would not tradethat for the world.