A friend and I were recently discussing negative self thought and he shared with me a fantastic analogy: if someone called you up and started talking to you like you critique yourself, you'd hang up the frickin' phone!
What a concept! Think of that – I (hopefully) wouldn't keep someone around who talks as critically about myself as I do. Imagine if the thoughts I have about myself were actual phone calls/texts/emails/voice mails given to me by people in my life:
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In response to a sobbing phone call about my recent painful breakup, my mother responds:
Well, everybody knows you didn't deserve him/her. Besides, it's not like you're that good looking. And you have gained a LOT of weight of lately...can't blame her/him for not finding you attractive any more. S/he's probably been screwing your best friend on the side, any way. You mind as well face it, you're going to be alone for the rest of your life because no one really wants you or ever will.
While on the dance floor at a club, my best friend texts:
Gurrrrl! Plz! You r NOT that cute. Ur ass is huge. Tht dude/chick is NOT checkn u out – ur way out of his/her league.
After a work meeting, my westie (westie = work bestie) sends me an email:
What were you thinking when you stepped out of the house this morning?! Your thighs are way too big for a skirt like that. Why are you always trying to dress like a skinny girl when you're a BIG girl?! Everyone who saw you in the meeting this morning could think of nothing else but how grotesque you are, even your good ideas on the project couldn't distract any one from the cellulite on your legs. Next time, wear pants to work.
The morning after intimacy, my partner/lover leaves me a bedside note:
Last night when we were making love all I could think about is how your tummy jiggled and how saggy your breasts are. I really have no idea why I even slept with you....I am pretty desperate, though, to have slept with someone your size....I was actually just taking one for the team...I'll never, ever see you or call you again!
After a date, I came home to the following voice mail:
It was really nice to meet you, you are so funny and we had great conversation. You have an okay face, but I wasn't really attracted to you because of your size. Besides, I was totally hitting on the waiter/waitress the whole time and scored his/her number.
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My life would be so much lighter and I would be much freer to fiercely love myself if I dismissed negative thoughts like these. The next time thoughts like that come up, I hope I will be fierce enough and love myself enough to HANG UP. *click*
Insecurity is an ugly beast and an awful friend -- I know from experience. God has been working on building my self esteem this year. I have started a book by Beth Moore, called so long insecurity. It really was an eye opener when it started talking bout the causes of insecurity. I thought -- wow, i have that one, and that one and that one, no wonder im insecure. Id highly recomend it.
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful, no matter what society says. I have that same voice and I have been quieting it with repeating scripture that I know to be true. And remembering I dont have to be this way ... its hard as hell ... but you can do it!